His Patronus
by mockingjayde
Summary: Snape visits the Potter household a few days after Voldemort had gone and killed them. He is reminiscing his past with Lily. One-shot.


**A/N:** So, this is my first HP fanfic ever. I am a little late to jump on the HP bandwagon! Anyways, I just finished the Deathly Hallows (which was amazing, by the way), and in my opinion, the Prince's Tale was the best part of the book. Poor guy. He's had such a rough life. So misunderstood and lonely! This is a one-shot of Snape visiting the Potter household, days after they had died. I never really meant to write this, but after reading that chapter I really just couldn't help myself.  
**Edit:** So this is the revised version of _His Patronus_. I posted it previously and re-read it... TONS OF ERRORS. I really needed to fix it! So here's the new-spiffy-good version. I hope you enjoy. ;D  
All rights go to JK Rowling.

* * *

Severus Snape looked around at the remains of the Potter household. Crumpled and destroyed, it stood cold and defeated in Godrics Hollow. Nobody was to touch it. He had heard that it was going to be left in it it's ruined state as a memorial. Would people look upon this grave and remember the Potters? Or would they be only thinking of (and fearing) the Dark Lord? As for Snape, he could only think about one who died in this house. Not the son, Harry and certainly not James, but Lily. Lily Evans.

He _begged_. He begged the Dark Lord to have mercy on her, but she did not receive any. How often had he heard the Dark Lord reassuring him that to those who help him, he will be merciful and kind to? He had not kept his promise. Lily Evans was dead. _Dead_. He couldn't believe it. A tear fell down Severus's cheek and landed soundlessly on the floor. _Dead._

He remembered those times as kids. Watching her on the playground, swinging blissfully with her sister. He remembered her long, dark red hair, flowing swiftly in the wind, nearly flag-like, only just touching the ground if she leaned back too far. Her Muggle sister, Petunia, was nothing in comparison. Not by looks, not by talents not nearly by anything.

He remembered the forest and the stream, telling Lily all he knew about magic- about the dementors, the Ministry, Azkaban and about Hogwarts school. He'd never seen her so fascinated, so curious and talkative. He could have spent forever there, just simply watching her and answering her questions. He always wondered; how did he become so lucky as to have Lily Evans in his life?

As he remembered, that luck was short lived. Complications arose as soon as school had started. Severus, although he knew he would be even before he arrived at school, was Sorted to Slytherin and Lily was sorted to Gryffindor. He thought that Lily would fit into any school, really. She had the brains and wit to be in Ravenclaw; the nerve and courage to be in Gryffindor (although, he had really hoped she'd be Sorted into any other school besides this one); she had the loyalty to be in Hufflepuff; and she was cunning and ambitious, as to be in Slytherin. She wasn't a pure-blooded wizard, though, and that was the only reason, Severus had thought, that she wasn't placed in Slytherin along with him.

Being in two different houses set up an whole new realm of complications. They had different classes and completely different friends. Labels floated around like candles in the dinning hall. But the biggest complication of them all would be the rivalry between Slytherin and Gryffindor. Severus knew Lily was constantly being badgered on why she even talked to him, let alone, why they shared a friendship. He as well, often was teased.

"Can't make friends in this house? That why you talking to a Gryffindor?"

"I bet she only talks to you because she pities you."

"She is out of your league, you stupid prat, even if she is from Gryffindor."

But worst of all, "Severus, why do you waist your time talking to that stupid Mudblood?"

He was the one that reassured her that she would not be judged, would not be looked down upon, if she wasn't pureblood. If Lily found out that he was wrong, or if she accused him of lying, Severus didn't know what he would do. All he knew was that he did not want to lose Lily.

But of course, his worst fears came true as time passed. Severus made mistakes, mistakes that cost their friendship. But he never gave up on her. A day never passed when Lily had not entered his mind. He watched her from afar, watched her grow even further away from him and even closer to that James Potter. He never liked James Potter much to begin with, but now he felt nothing but uncontrollable resentment. He hated how he was considered a hero, how he was always winning Quidditch games right and left. He hated how arrogantly he strode down the hallways, head held high like he owned the place. He _hated_ how he saved his life from the Whomping Willow, and how he managed to sweep Lily off her feet. But he _absolutely_ hated him for marrying Lily, for taking her, and he even went as far as to feeling a bit of resentment towards the child that they bore together. It wasn't fair how James swooped in and took the life Severus only dreamed about.

And it certainly wasn't fair that now Lily Evans was dead.

It wasn't fair that now he'd never see her laughing face, the way the sunlight filtered in through the trees and lit her hair up, as if it was on fire, like soft, cheerful candle flames. He tried hard not to think of her eyes-her warm, green eyes. They would never ensnare him again.

Some days, the pain of losing her would take over him completely. Sometimes to the point where he had thought it would honestly break him. How often had he imagined her being his again? And there were days, before her death, that he would think about clearing his mind completely of her. Some days, he'd get as close to holding his wand to his head, only needing to mutter a single word: '_Obliviate_.' But he could never do it. Now that she had passed and moved on to the next world, he was glad he hadn't. He couldn't bear the thought of not having her in his life, even as memories. He would _always_ need her in his life, even though she wasn't alive herself.

If anything, he was glad that the Dark Lord had been defeated. It was Lily who ultimately defeated him. If Voldemort hadn't died, Severus would be sure to make it his life goal to defeat him. Revenge for taking his beloved's life. Dumbledore had made Severus a spy for him previously, so he wasn't new to Voldemort's tricks of trade. If by some strange miracle he had survived (and Severus desperately wished he hadn't) Severus and Dumbledore would create a plan to defeat him once and for all. For Lily.

Cold, aching sadness filled Severus. He looked around the old Potter house, eyes welling to the brim with hot tears. _This is where she died_. He could not spend anymore time here; or else he'd lose his mind. He couldn't-he _refused_ to- accept the fact that Lily Evans was gone; actually gone, never to walk the earth again. He couldn't control the stream of fresh tears that fell from his eyes. It was like losing her all over again. First, losing her to Potter, and secondly, losing her to death. He wasn't sure which was worst.

Slowly, he withdrew his wand from his pocket. From inside his head, he saw Lily's smile. Her bright green eyes lighting up as it spread widely across her face. The sadness consumed Severus once again. _She's gone, _he had to keep reminding himself, _you'll never see her do that ever again_. _She's _gone_._

He squeezed his eyes shut, a tear emanating from the corner of his eye. "_Expecto patronum_," he whispered, the words hardly passing his lips.

From the tip of his wand, a great silver doe sprang onto the soft turf. It leaped a few yards and then looked back. Severus couldn't take it anymore- he dropped to his knees, forever defeated.

"_Lily_…"

The doe paused for a minute, glowing brilliantly. Severus knelt there, tears that he couldn't help were sent streaming down his cheeks. He wanted to die. He wanted it all to end. He wanted to be with Lily again, and if death was the price, he would pay it.

At last, the doe turned back around and leaped gracefully into the forest, and just as Lily; was gone.


End file.
